worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
