So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
