I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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