There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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