i don't like sucking hair
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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