I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
