You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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