i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
