dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
