I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
