What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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