i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Everything about him screamed your future.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
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