My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
