the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I am midnight drunk by noon
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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