let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
