Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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