my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
