Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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