I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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