So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
