I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
