I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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