I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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