I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
There's always time for handjobs
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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