worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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