Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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