I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
