Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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