it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
drinking out of a sandbucket again
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
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