i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize