I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
