I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
