So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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