We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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