he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
