Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
