Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
