And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
