Heybabeimwearingurpanties
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
