how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
