She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
