i think my tv is drunk
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
