In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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