Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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