He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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