So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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