Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
