My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
