I'm drive I can fine osifer
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
