He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize