if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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