If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
