I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
