When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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