Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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