a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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