tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
