I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
