I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
