The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
