every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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