I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize