I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
