thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
