You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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