ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
