is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
