this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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