you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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