OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
