The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
