finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
