omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
